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Validate Me!

By, Jen Helton


“Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us,
by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost;
Which he shed on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Saviour;
That being justified by his grace, we should be made heirs
according to the hope of eternal life.”
Titus 3:5-7

Over the past few years, I have had deep conversations with people and heard some very interesting phrases and words… phrases like:


“Affirm me.”

“You are not receiving me.”

“You do not validate me.’ “You are not giving me worth.”


This has left me scratching my head a bit. As a Christian woman, I have a great responsibility to be a godly friend who encourages and listens to the needs and concerns of others. However, I cannot validate or give anyone worth. Sure, I can make someone feel good for a time, especially if they love to be praised but what if they say something that is not biblical? What if a friend is living in sin and wants me to condone their actions? Can I truly “affirm” that person just because it makes them feel good for a fleeting moment?


The answer is, no. Now, go with me on this, because I know some are already reading this and thinking, “Where is this woman going with this?” Here is where I am going and this is the bottom line.

I cannot give anyone the worth, validation, affirmation, or reception that they can only receive from a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. This includes a daily relationship with Him diving deep into the Bible. I can be there for them and encourage them in deep and meaningful conversation BUT.. a true friend will always point others to the only One who can give them meaningful and eternal worth; Jesus Christ. A true friend will show others their worth through precious Bible verses.


“A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”

Proverbs 17:17

A true friend speaks truth and points others to Jesus. Friendship, a deep meaningful friendship, is not based on empty affirmations and validations. It is based on love and truth. I want to be the friend that loves someone so much that I point them to either a personal relationship with my Savior, Jesus Christ, or a deeper relationship with their Savior through the Bible, God’s personal love letter to us!


Titus 3: 5 says that there is nothing that you or I can do to make ourselves or anyone “feel” righteous and worthy. Jesus Christ is the One who gave His life so that we might have hope. I cannot be someone’s hope and validation but I can point them to the only One who can!


We can be heirs of eternal life! And that only comes through Jesus Christ and not through anything that I can do or say! Talk about VALIDATION!

I do not know who needs to hear this but I know that I need this. I love to see people and fulfilled but to be told that I am the one responsible to make someone feel worthy is such an immense pressure. To carry the weight of validating and affirming others, even when they are in sin, is too heavy to bear. Our job as Christian women is to share and carry each other to the only One who can truly give us worth and value; Jesus Christ. I am valued, received, loved, and validated through the sacrificial love of Jesus Christ. So are you, friend. It is something that we can never lose, and it will never run dry. If you feel that you have no worth or you feel that you are having to make someone feel worthy, take everything to Jesus. Point others to your Savior! He will receive us, always.

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