By, Sierra Fedorko
“I crumpled up scared
Running headlong into happiness,
But God! And His presence said,
You’re just as safe now
As you were back then.
Run! Run! Run!
So, I do.
And don’t they say,
‘History repeats itself?’
And if all my life is always with God
I should know just by looking back
Than I can run full speed ahead."
There’s more to this poem which I wrote for the New Year, but this is the part I shared on my 27th birthday. Since my son’s miraculous life, I’ve been in a rich season of light-heartedness, laughter, and huge blessing. His sister is due this spring which has pushed me further into this season of joyful abundance and happiness.
I have been learning that trusting God with my joy feels exactly as vulnerable as learning to not be afraid of pain and trusting God with my grief. The emotions are different, but the need is the same! I need God. I need His peace. I need His comfort, wisdom, help, hope, and presence at all times. I don’t know how to hold joy just like I didn’t know how to hold sorrow, but God has been with me in both seasons and has shown me I am safe with Him.
I can surrender both my fear of pain and my fear of joy. I can pour out my emotions. I can be honest with God, and in this communion with Him, I am trusting God with every part of me. I am learning to enjoy what is good and lovely even when it feels fragile. I am emboldened to embrace the life in front of me without fear however it looks in that day, in that moment. With my confidence in God, I can celebrate, surrender, laugh, cry, enjoy, and experience each season in peace.
And so one of the biggest lessons I have learned in the last decade filled with chronic pain, infertility, pregnancy, children, and healing is I am safe with God! So safe. I can grieve, and I can rejoice. And He will meet me in both and give me the courage to walk in both without fear of the future. After all, my future is good simply because God is in it! His presence in my life is everything. God is with me today, tomorrow, forever.
And as my Aunt Shannon said so beautifully when I shared this bit of poetry on my birthday, “Happy birthday! Enjoy the run! You won’t be disappointed in what you find at His feet.”
I know she is right.